Do You Have Free Speech on Message Boards?

In a word, no.

For a full explanation of what the Constitutional amendment regarding freedom of speech does and does not protect, read: Freedom of Speech - Let Me Tell You What It's Not

In a nutshell, the 1st Amendment (like the rest of the Bill of Rights) places limitations on governmental action...and governmental action only.

There is a lot of confusion over this issue, and people on message boards often complain that moderators who remove their comments (or even other participants on the message board who simply complain about others' comments) are somehow interfering with their free speech rights. Unless the moderator or other member is acting under color of law, as a representative of some branch of government, that's simply not possible.

With very few limited exceptions, the private owner of a website, blog, forum, etc. can set any limits he or she likes, and delete any comment he or she likes.

Should I Self-Publish Fiction?

Almost certainly not.

Before I elaborate, let me be clear: In the writing world there is a sharp division between those who believe self-publishing is a good idea and those who don't. I fall into the former category. That is, I am a fan of self-publishing, and even have some very profitable experience with it myself.

That said, I think that for nearly everyone, self-publishing fiction is a bad idea.

I discussed some of the reasons that self-publishing fiction doesn't usually work out in this post on my writing blog: Self-Publishing Fiction

There's also some useful information to be had from Moira Allen in this Self-Publishing FAQ. This piece is from 2001, which is roughly a thousand years in self-publishing technology, so some of the specifics here are outdated. However, the general overview of the pros, cons and pitfalls holds up.

Here are a few of the primary concerns in a nutshell:

-It's extremely difficult, if not impossible, to be price-competitive with a self-published fiction book

-Distribution channels are much more limited--some of the major bookstore chains simply won't consider carrying books published through some of the most common presses for "self-published" fiction

-Marketing a book is a full-time job

-Most of the effectively strategies for marketing a self-published book involve expertise or making a "name" in a niche area, conducting relevant workshops and presentations, publishing related articles, etc.--and those techniques apply almost exclusively to non-fiction works

Just a few key things to think about; there are definitely more.

Should I Give My Fourteen Year Old Birth Control?

No.

Can You Die from Rape?

Yes.

Of course, most rape victims don't die, but it can certainly happen.

Some rape victims are actively murdered by their assailants.

Others sustain injuries during the rape that prove fatal.

Still others contract diseases from their attackers.

Anyone who has been sexually assaulted should seek medical attention.

Can You Get Pregnant in a Pool?

My daughter thought this question belonged on What's Wrong Around Us?. But, in addition to this being the place where I answer odd questions that pop up in my stats, this one actually landed to this blog.

Naturally, I have to begin by saying, "Well, that depends on what you mean by that."

(Does it seem like I say that on this blog a lot?)

If you're talking about that old myth/fear/excuse about random sperm floating around in a public swimming pool and impregnating innocent and usually virginal swimmers, that would be a firm "no".

If, on the other hand, you're hoping that something about the water or chlorine or other chemicals is going to act as birth control if you have sex in a swimming pool, that's ALSO a big old "no".

Two Guys Walk Into a Bar, and the Third One Ducks

I'm breaking protocol tonight.

When I started this blog, I resolved only to post responses to exact quotes that appeared in my search stats in the form of a question. And, while the phrase above appears often in my search stats, I've never seen it in the form of a question. I decided to break the rule and post about it anyway, because I'm convinced that it's intended as a question. Here's why: That's the whole joke. It makes sense for ONE LINE of a joke to appear in search stats...maybe someone couldn't remember exactly how it went, or needed to find out the punch line. But in the case of "Two guys walk into a bar, and the third one ducks", that's all she wrote. There is no more. It's the set-up and the punchline all rolled into one...so what could a person who Googled the WHOLE JOKE be looking for?

Finally, after dozens of people had arrived at one of my blogs by Googling this joke in its entirety, I decided that they were looking for an explanation.

So here it is. (Be warned, I am no artist. There is a reason I deal so exclusively in words. Still, I think that if in fact you're sitting there scratching your head over "two guys walk into a bar and the third one ducks", this will clear it up for you.)

Is Patrick Stewart a Good Kisser?

Dude.

Before I even tackle this one, I've gotta know: Why do you ask?

Because--and I've got to be honest here, even though it might be painful--the odds that you're going to be kissing Patrick Stewart are pretty damned slim. Unless, of course, you're personally acquainted with Patrick Stewart, in which case it's kind of weird that you're looking for the answer to this question on the Internet. Or you're not talking about the Patrick Stewart of Star Trek fame, but some other Patrick Stewart who is (just for example) a community college student in Iowa. If that's the case, there's probably a better chance that this information might be pertinent to you, but there's almost no chance that you're going to find the answer on the Internet.

So here's my advice:

If you know Patrick Stewart (whether we're talking about the star to stage and screen or the community college student or someone I haven't even thought to mention) and you're sitting around wondering whether or not he's a good kisser....check it out. Unless, of course, he's married. Or you are. If that's the case, stop wondering at once.

If you're not in a position to find out the answer for yourself, there is no answer. None. Because, you see, "good" is a subjective term. Good kissing is a joint effort. What you're really asking is, "Would I like the way Patrick Stewart kisses?" And really....how in the heck would we know?